Sick

I'm not sick - literally. It's what I'm doing that's sick - like, crazy sick. What's with me and crushing on guys I haven't even met. My zahir, for instance, is handsome, smart, and all that. But, I actually have no clue of what he is as a person. Does he have a good sense of humor? Is he thoughtful? Too many questions, and I have nothing to answer.

Besides the zahir, I also have a crush on several other people - celebrities. Why am I like this? Oh I wish I could explain myself. I always want a fairytale story to happen to me. I'm not a little kid anymore. But admit it, a part of us would always love to have our own happily ever after. I know this might just be as ambitious as wanting to be queen of the world or president of the United States (which is completely impossible because I'm not even from the US).

I'm torn between my hopes and my reality. I've always been a dreamer. I continue to live because of my hope of making my dreams come true and be genuinely happy - for once in my life. Letting go of my fantasy-lover personality would make me a different person. But I know I have to be strong enough to give up all my aspirations and live my life - which is absolutely not the same as the life of Cinderella or Barbie.

When would I accept the fact that the earth is where I belong and fairytale stories have to remain in fiction books? I'm not a princess. If I were to find a prince, he won't be riding on a white horse. This is not wonderland nor fairytopia or whatever.

Maybe, I'm sick - idiomatically. Will someone please give me a reality check? Trust me, I need it more than food.