When I see girls falling head over heels with Edward Cullen, I feel relieved. Looking at the situation, it's just the same as my obsession. However, I have an advantage because my zahir exists. Edward, on the other hand, is just a fictional character. Robert Pattinson is a real person, yes, I won't argue to that. But even if he brought life to Edward on the big screen, he is not - and in no way will ever be - Edward Cullen.
Perhaps, at this point, you could already tell that I'm not a very big fan of Twilight. I'm not saying that it sucks. But, it's just another vampire love story - nothing more, nothing less. I know I'm a big fan of fairytale stories. But, fiction stories like this just doesn't appeal to me so much. I don't judge a book according to reality basis. It's on how much I learn from every page of it.
I don't want to talk about Twilight here. People are probably going to hate me. Once again, my zahir is nothing like Edward Cullen. He's not a vampire. He's not pale-skinned. He doesn't glow under the sun. And, he's real.
But when all is said and done, the bottom line is still the same. Sometimes, we just fall in love the wrong persons - could be someone trapped in a fictional novel, an out of this world creature, or simply, a guy from a well-renowned family who may seem so close, yet so far.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Sick
I'm not sick - literally. It's what I'm doing that's sick - like, crazy sick. What's with me and crushing on guys I haven't even met. My zahir, for instance, is handsome, smart, and all that. But, I actually have no clue of what he is as a person. Does he have a good sense of humor? Is he thoughtful? Too many questions, and I have nothing to answer.
Besides the zahir, I also have a crush on several other people - celebrities. Why am I like this? Oh I wish I could explain myself. I always want a fairytale story to happen to me. I'm not a little kid anymore. But admit it, a part of us would always love to have our own happily ever after. I know this might just be as ambitious as wanting to be queen of the world or president of the United States (which is completely impossible because I'm not even from the US).
I'm torn between my hopes and my reality. I've always been a dreamer. I continue to live because of my hope of making my dreams come true and be genuinely happy - for once in my life. Letting go of my fantasy-lover personality would make me a different person. But I know I have to be strong enough to give up all my aspirations and live my life - which is absolutely not the same as the life of Cinderella or Barbie.
When would I accept the fact that the earth is where I belong and fairytale stories have to remain in fiction books? I'm not a princess. If I were to find a prince, he won't be riding on a white horse. This is not wonderland nor fairytopia or whatever.
Maybe, I'm sick - idiomatically. Will someone please give me a reality check? Trust me, I need it more than food.
Besides the zahir, I also have a crush on several other people - celebrities. Why am I like this? Oh I wish I could explain myself. I always want a fairytale story to happen to me. I'm not a little kid anymore. But admit it, a part of us would always love to have our own happily ever after. I know this might just be as ambitious as wanting to be queen of the world or president of the United States (which is completely impossible because I'm not even from the US).
I'm torn between my hopes and my reality. I've always been a dreamer. I continue to live because of my hope of making my dreams come true and be genuinely happy - for once in my life. Letting go of my fantasy-lover personality would make me a different person. But I know I have to be strong enough to give up all my aspirations and live my life - which is absolutely not the same as the life of Cinderella or Barbie.
When would I accept the fact that the earth is where I belong and fairytale stories have to remain in fiction books? I'm not a princess. If I were to find a prince, he won't be riding on a white horse. This is not wonderland nor fairytopia or whatever.
Maybe, I'm sick - idiomatically. Will someone please give me a reality check? Trust me, I need it more than food.
My Zahir
Paulo Coelho said that a zahir is like an obsession. Well, there's a more complicated description for the word, but, I like simple things better. And, I think that the word 'zahir' sounds really cool, so I thought I could use it to refer to someone I've been kinda stalking for the past few days.
He's gorgeous. He's hot. He's handsome. He's everything a girl could ever wish for. And that's just an understatement. The funny thing is I've never seen him in person and I doubt that I ever will. In simple terms, he doesn't know I exist. And, no, he's not a celebrity or any famous figure in Hollywood. But he is rich - only by knowing his family name, I could already tell.
So how did I come to know of his existence? It was last summer. See, my cousin works for their company. In her computer, there's a photo of their family and she showed it to me. They were like models because they all looked beautiful. Never have I imagined of a family that charming. And HE happened to be a part of the family. Yes, he's my cousin's boss' son - totally out of my reach.
Since that day, I started to search for him on the web. But there were only a few results - most of them are from newspaper articles about the goals he made for his team during soccer games. That was a lead. I found out he was an athlete. A couple of my classmates played soccer too. They happened to have seen him play and said he looked even better in person. I was so envious of them. And for a second, I actually thought of learning soccer. How ridiculous!
I found it insane to fall for a guy because of one picture. So, I wanted to search for more pictures. To my dismay, there was only one. After hours of searching in google, I found a picture of him when he was judging some beauty pageant. Discontented, I searched for him from different sites like myspace, hi5, and friendster. He was not a member of any. I asked my cousin if HE had myspace, and she told me to try facebook.
I didn't have a facebook account. But, look at what 'love' can do. I signed up. I looked him up and...bingo! Found him. Sent a friend request. Didn't accept it. How rude! But it doesn't end there. I also added his sister. She sent me a message, asking if she knew me from somewhere. I played cool, said no and that I didn't know her either. I lied. But I thought it was better than confessing that I have a huge crush on her brother.
Months passed and I never typed in his name in any search engine. Come November and I searched for his school. Robert Louis Stevenson School '08 and Santa Clara '12 - those were the only information I could get from facebook since he wouldn't add me. Found them. And they're very wonderful schools. Another lead - he's really smart. I could tell because I looked up the admission tab in SCU and you'd really need high SAT scores to get admitted.
December came. It's Christmas break. I'm at home, and bored. Multiply came into my mind. I searched for him. There was no result. I searched for his younger sister. Luckily, she has an account. I think she's inactive already, though. There were loads of pictures of him - him with friends, him with family, and him kissing a girl (a different girl in a different album). For a minute in there, I wanted to break down and cry. I felt like my heart was being crushed. But let's face it, what could you expect from a teenage guy?
On one photo, his other sister posted a comment. I viewed her page and saw more pictures of him. At any angle, he was dreamy. I must say, he's way better than any fictional character. If I were to write a novel about love and turn it into a movie, he'd be the lead actor - if he says no, there'd be no movie.
He's gorgeous. He's hot. He's handsome. He's everything a girl could ever wish for. And that's just an understatement. The funny thing is I've never seen him in person and I doubt that I ever will. In simple terms, he doesn't know I exist. And, no, he's not a celebrity or any famous figure in Hollywood. But he is rich - only by knowing his family name, I could already tell.
So how did I come to know of his existence? It was last summer. See, my cousin works for their company. In her computer, there's a photo of their family and she showed it to me. They were like models because they all looked beautiful. Never have I imagined of a family that charming. And HE happened to be a part of the family. Yes, he's my cousin's boss' son - totally out of my reach.
Since that day, I started to search for him on the web. But there were only a few results - most of them are from newspaper articles about the goals he made for his team during soccer games. That was a lead. I found out he was an athlete. A couple of my classmates played soccer too. They happened to have seen him play and said he looked even better in person. I was so envious of them. And for a second, I actually thought of learning soccer. How ridiculous!
I found it insane to fall for a guy because of one picture. So, I wanted to search for more pictures. To my dismay, there was only one. After hours of searching in google, I found a picture of him when he was judging some beauty pageant. Discontented, I searched for him from different sites like myspace, hi5, and friendster. He was not a member of any. I asked my cousin if HE had myspace, and she told me to try facebook.
I didn't have a facebook account. But, look at what 'love' can do. I signed up. I looked him up and...bingo! Found him. Sent a friend request. Didn't accept it. How rude! But it doesn't end there. I also added his sister. She sent me a message, asking if she knew me from somewhere. I played cool, said no and that I didn't know her either. I lied. But I thought it was better than confessing that I have a huge crush on her brother.
Months passed and I never typed in his name in any search engine. Come November and I searched for his school. Robert Louis Stevenson School '08 and Santa Clara '12 - those were the only information I could get from facebook since he wouldn't add me. Found them. And they're very wonderful schools. Another lead - he's really smart. I could tell because I looked up the admission tab in SCU and you'd really need high SAT scores to get admitted.
December came. It's Christmas break. I'm at home, and bored. Multiply came into my mind. I searched for him. There was no result. I searched for his younger sister. Luckily, she has an account. I think she's inactive already, though. There were loads of pictures of him - him with friends, him with family, and him kissing a girl (a different girl in a different album). For a minute in there, I wanted to break down and cry. I felt like my heart was being crushed. But let's face it, what could you expect from a teenage guy?
On one photo, his other sister posted a comment. I viewed her page and saw more pictures of him. At any angle, he was dreamy. I must say, he's way better than any fictional character. If I were to write a novel about love and turn it into a movie, he'd be the lead actor - if he says no, there'd be no movie.
Introduce Myself
I guess I should start by saying: I prefer not to make my real identity known. Nonsense, you may think. And in case you were wondering, no, it has never occurred to me that a lot of people would actually read all the crap I post. I mean, it's just me - why would they even bother?
However, the idea of being labeled was never appealing to me. So, just call me Scarlet. A family name is of no necessity, I suppose. Plus, I might just get myself into huge trouble if I attempt to use one falsely. And, a last name basis is too formal - it's what we use in school (and I don't like it very much).
Anyway, this blog is nothing more than an extension of my journal. A lot of things have been happening to me these days. Lately, I realized that I talk to myself more often than usual - even when I'm not in front of the mirror. Also, my thoughts have been flying to strange different places and I'm unable to concentrate on anything I do.
There's nothing like writing - or shall I say, typing - that helps me pour out my thoughts. There's a world inside my head that is waiting to come into existence. I thought it might be a good idea to type them all in so I could laugh at myself as hard as I could when I reread everything I've written once I manage to overcome this crazy obsession of making my imagination a real situation.
However, the idea of being labeled was never appealing to me. So, just call me Scarlet. A family name is of no necessity, I suppose. Plus, I might just get myself into huge trouble if I attempt to use one falsely. And, a last name basis is too formal - it's what we use in school (and I don't like it very much).
Anyway, this blog is nothing more than an extension of my journal. A lot of things have been happening to me these days. Lately, I realized that I talk to myself more often than usual - even when I'm not in front of the mirror. Also, my thoughts have been flying to strange different places and I'm unable to concentrate on anything I do.
There's nothing like writing - or shall I say, typing - that helps me pour out my thoughts. There's a world inside my head that is waiting to come into existence. I thought it might be a good idea to type them all in so I could laugh at myself as hard as I could when I reread everything I've written once I manage to overcome this crazy obsession of making my imagination a real situation.
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